Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm Sorry for Disappointing you

I noticed over the weekend I lost a few followers which is disappointing to me, but giving it some thought I probably would have unsubscribe to me too. I haven't been up to par... I've been making excuses after excuses as to why I can't stay on program. I don't want to be that person.

I'll add a new blog to my following list and if they aren't on program most of the time or are full of excuses I'll usually cut them off... I don't want to waste my time reading blog entries of excuses. I don't like bloggers like that, so why am I being that blogger?

Once again this weekend I feel off program... REALLY bad, I'm embarrassed to tell you what I ate, but I'm really not 100% of what I ate anyway because I didn't journal my food... I didn't journal Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday.

Friday night, I didn't do so bad until I came home from the store and started sorting out my Valentine's things (candy) to give out and started dipping into the bags. It was all bad once I reached the chocolate covered tootsie rolls. I don't know why I always convince myself that I can stop after one or two... it's not like that, I end up eating the whole freak’n package!

Saturday was such a horrible day, I don't even want to describe what I went through... part of my misery was depression and feeling sorry for myself, the rest was everything going wrong. Saturday was my worse day... by 9am I had already had about 5-10 points. Then came the McDonalds' breakfasts... yes breakfasts was meant to be plural! I had a whole one then the second one I brought for my mother, but she pissed me off so I ate that too but gave the Hash brown to Penelope The Chihuahua - as if that really made a difference.

Saturday I just ate and ate and ate... Sunday morning felt emotionally and physically sick and was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I wasn't feeling good at all. I overloaded on sugar, and Sunday even thought I didn't feel good still kept drinking kool-aid instead of water... including with my breakfast. I almost forgot to mention the kool-aid was made with real sugar no substitutions there. I felt like shit but kept on going...

I woke up this morning happy to be alive, happy I didn't have a heart attack or a stroke in the middle of the night due to all the high fat and sugary foods I had over the weekend.

I feel so much better when I eat healthy, I need to remember that feeling... I realize I'm addicted to high fat foods and sugar. When I have them I go crazy and binge. I need to detox and stay away from that crap. I'll eat until I feel like shit and then you would think that I would stop there, but I don't I just keep going.

I think for the next couple of days I'm going to stick to veggies and clean protein like chicken. My body needs a rest. I'm thinking of doing a fast then the detox phase of The Fat Smash Diet just to get me back on track. Ross and I tried the fat smash diet during the summer... it was really hard to stick with... but I think the detox phase will help me clear out my system of stuff I've been putting into it.

I'm on program today, I'm going to lay low by upping the veggies and cutting the high fat foods and sugar. I weigh-in Thursday, I'm not sure if this week is salvageable - but that doesn't matter, what matters is that I get back on program today and stay there.

I think I'll start my detox Thursday, I'm going to talk to Ross to see if he wants to do it with me. If he doesn't want to do it, I'll do it by myself. I'll keep you posted on that.

I feel I've also been slipping with my blogs... this one and my personal one. I have a crafty one but can't always post there, since I restarted this one the crafty one just fell off. I feel better when I blog - it's therapeutic for me. I know I promised a video this weekend... but there was just no time. I have an idea for a weeks worth of videos... sort of like my week marathon, but this one will be funny... once I get all my ideas together I'll share it with you.

Well, I guess I've ran my fingers enough for today... see you tomorrow.


The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

Sometimes life just comes at you like a freight train, and all you can seem to do is hang onto the fence and hope you do not get blown to bids in the process. We slip up. We make mistakes. Then if we are lucky we get a minute of sanity, dust ourselves off and just get back in the game. It sounds like this is just such a moment for you.Be kind to you, take baby steps, and follow those steps with more steps, and before long that freight train will be a distant memory.

karen said...

I blame it on February. So many of us were doing so well and it seems that once February hit it really HIT. I think that's probably why it's a short month -- if it lasted any longer it would probably kill off half the population and the other half would be in therapy.

Mrs. Sheila said...

You silly girl! I did unsubscribe, but only because I am changing blog locations! LOL

New one:

carla said...

be me. I have no clue who reads or doesnt. who unfollows me on twitter or doesnt.
so much easier that way.

and youd never EVER disappoint unless you ceased blogging period.

karen said...

You know, when I read your post the other night I thought to myself "Self, don't get wrapped up in your 'followers' count" ... and then the very first thing that happened tonight when I looked at my site was that I noticed I was a follower down and proceeded to spend the next 15 minutes trying to figure out who left me! I'm going to do what Carla suggested ... my "followers" box is going bye-bye!

Rosie said...

DI: That's exactly how I felt last month. I was on a roller coaster and just holding on for dear life. I'm surprised I made it through with my sanity. I experienced one of any mother's nightmare, the good thing is Vi and I are working through this and everything is going to be okay. I def feel strong this month and am positive the weight loss is start up again.

KAREN: I don't think I've done good all this year. The holidays really through me off... but this month I'm back on track I think the detox is helping me alot. How was your February?

MRS. SHEILA: Thank you for the new location... now I need to add that to my reading list. I lost a few readers still but that's okay, I'm happy for the ones I have. :) I need to get over to your new blog and see how you're doing.

CARLA: I think that's what I need to do. I started keeping track so I could visit their blogs also... how do you keep up with everyone? You're sooo good at it!

KAREN: It's sort of disappointing... but oh well... it's okay. I think some will go and some will come. I'm thinking of removing my followers box also.