Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Fat or Ross
I try not to write too many personal things on here that doesn't pertain to my weight loss... but this sort of does. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, one of the main reasons is that he's frustrated that I haven't adopted a healthier lifestyle.
I'm so frustrated with myself. You might think it's an asshole reason to break-up with someone but I can honestly say he's tried, he brought me a treadmill, he tried the Fat Smash Diet with me even thought he doesn't have really anything to lose... he has done numerous things to supportive of me being a healthier me and I have failed... and this is killing me because I'm losing the love of my life over fat, over something I can completely control but have allowed to control me.
I'm frustrated that I have not done this for me, for him... for my daughter so she'll have me around healthy and longer.
But I refuse to go out without a fight. Him and I have been together 2 years and 5 months without any major problems or drama. Our birthdays are 5 days apart, we're both Libras and Dragons... our names even match Ross and Rosie. I refuse to give up on us. He says he's lose hope of me ever changing. But is willing to talk to me this evening. And this morning he agreed to fix my treadmill, yesterday he didn't want to see me at all because he said there are still feelings there and he doesn't want to get sucked back in to a relationship and knowing that I'm not going to change.
I couldn't eat a thing yesterday... I had 3 egg whites, a 4 pt banana smoothie, and 2 cups of grapes... used 7 points and earned 3 of those back. That's not good but I just can't eat when I'm upset. I'm going to try having a smoothie this morning and add some yogurt to use up some of the points. I got on the scale this morning it said 183.5... that is great, but not great because a loss like that might not allow me to lose next week... so I've got to get these points in.
Today's the last day of detox... tomorrow I'll be moving on to Phase Two, and I can't wait to jump on the scale Thursday morning.
I'm going to do this... I'm going to lose this weight! I can do this, and I'm going to prove to Ross that I can change. I love him with all my heart, I don't know what I will/would do without him.