Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Fat or Ross


I try not to write too many personal things on here that doesn't pertain to my weight loss... but this sort of does. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, one of the main reasons is that he's frustrated that I haven't adopted a healthier lifestyle.

I'm so frustrated with myself. You might think it's an asshole reason to break-up with someone but I can honestly say he's tried, he brought me a treadmill, he tried the Fat Smash Diet with me even thought he doesn't have really anything to lose... he has done numerous things to supportive of me being a healthier me and I have failed... and this is killing me because I'm losing the love of my life over fat, over something I can completely control but have allowed to control me.

I'm frustrated that I have not done this for me, for him... for my daughter so she'll have me around healthy and longer.

But I refuse to go out without a fight. Him and I have been together 2 years and 5 months without any major problems or drama. Our birthdays are 5 days apart, we're both Libras and Dragons... our names even match Ross and Rosie. I refuse to give up on us. He says he's lose hope of me ever changing. But is willing to talk to me this evening. And this morning he agreed to fix my treadmill, yesterday he didn't want to see me at all because he said there are still feelings there and he doesn't want to get sucked back in to a relationship and knowing that I'm not going to change.

I couldn't eat a thing yesterday... I had 3 egg whites, a 4 pt banana smoothie, and 2 cups of grapes... used 7 points and earned 3 of those back. That's not good but I just can't eat when I'm upset. I'm going to try having a smoothie this morning and add some yogurt to use up some of the points. I got on the scale this morning it said 183.5... that is great, but not great because a loss like that might not allow me to lose next week... so I've got to get these points in.

Today's the last day of detox... tomorrow I'll be moving on to Phase Two, and I can't wait to jump on the scale Thursday morning.

I'm going to do this... I'm going to lose this weight! I can do this, and I'm going to prove to Ross that I can change. I love him with all my heart, I don't know what I will/would do without him.

9 comments:

sarah said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend breaking up with you. I don't think it's fair that he did this though. I know that you love him and you don't think of it like that and you are trying to see things from his point of view. You have been trying to get healthier and he must know this. I hope you 2 can work it out. *hugs*

karen said...

I'm so sorry, Rosie! I know that it's not easy, but you've got to try & stay on track & get those points in! I have a tendency to be a stress non-eater and it's just as bad for us as being stress eaters. Hang in there sweetie!

Rosie said...

SARAH: He knows I have but since he's made a lifestyle change he wants me to do it also not just for him but for myself... I hope we do too... Thank you for your support.

KAREN: I'm going to try to get more points in today... I haven't had anything yet, but as soon as I'm done here I'm going to have a smoothie and add yogurt to up the points. Thank you so much for your support.

andrea. said...

That's really horrible. I'm really sorry to hear that this happened. I hope you guys can work it out, but either way, I hope you don't let his negativity about your progress drag you down. You ARE making changes and learning as you go and that's really the most important thing.

Take care of yourself, lady!

Rosie said...

Thank you Andrea. It is a horrible thing, but I sort of understand his point... years ago when I lost 25 pounds on WW and started dating someone who wasn't watching his diet I gained weight and before I gained the full 25 back I stopped seeing him partially for that reason.

We're going to talk today and see what happens, but regardless it's time that I stop letting my fat get in the way of things...

Honib1 said...

part of me got really mad reading your post.. While I can appreciate his feelings.. Someone that loves you.. loves you not by the sum of your pounds but by the size of your heart and the person you are .. the character that you possess.. having weight issues is not a character flaw.. its a problem.. and it can be resolved but it is going to be something you must contend with for the rest of your life.. there are no quick fixes .. no easy diets.. Eating healthy and exercise is the only way to lose and maintain weight loss..If you are following WW then get your points in.. or whatever program you are using as a guide for the new you .. do not skimp on what you are suppose to eat.. regardless of how you feel.. He gave you a dose of real life... though.. he threw trauma into your weight loss .. and its up to you to handle it.. Do not be hard your self.. you are working and learning how to change habits.. it takes time.. have faith in yourself .. thats the most important thing.. and do this for you.. not for him.. don't prove anything to him.. Prove to yourself that you can do this.. for in the long run .. when all is said and done.. you are all that matters in this adventure... because with out you.. there is no adventure.. there is no future..

Rosie said...

I can't completely be mad at him because I know he tried... I just didn't think he would end the relationship over it. I know love should be unconditional but that's one condition that he doesn't want to budge on.

I'm following Weight Watchers and am trying to get my points but just can't. My throat feels tight, it's hard to even get my water in but I have done that. Today I'm working on just getting in more points that I did yesterday... every five minutes I have a couple of grapes or take a bite of fruit.

Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it.

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

All I can say is hugs and support to you in this. People are nothing if not complicated, and relationships are the most complicated form of that complication. Hang in there and remember that you are a spirit simply going through a human experience, and that spirit is beautiful, perfect and lovable no matter what the packaging is or how others perceive that package

Rosie said...

Thank you Di.